I’m quite relieved now and I seriously wanted to delete my post but I decided to keep it since this blog has been too emotionless and no personal touch for a while now. Hah. So please kung nabasa nyo po ‘yung previous post don’t judge me. πŸ˜‚

Anyway, here are really cute photos of Grizzly Bear while waiting for his vaccine. Photos of her sent to me from Banjo bear really makes my day. πŸ’›πŸ˜Š

Ginawa mo namang diary to. πŸ˜€

They say “the most important thing you could give a person is your time.” I think I strongly believe that saying that I ended up demanding time from people who just couldn’t. WordPress my friend, this is another random thought spill and I hope you bear with me. I’m doing this because I wanted to get rid of these negative feelings and writing, to me, is the most effective way of doing so. 

β€’Alam ko busy ka, nakikita ko naman yun and I’m hating myself for feeling neglected. Ayoko nito honestly. I don’t want to look like a fool begging for other people’s time. Hindi naman ako ganito talaga, you see I’m a busy person too who’s trying to juggle time for my ministry, my work, my family and friends and now you. I know how it feels to be really busy you start choosing whether to rest or attend to important things at hand. I know, I know. Kaya nga naiinis ako sa sarili ko. 

β€’ Naiinis ako kasi may expectations ako sayo. And I don’t know if makatuwiran ba yun o hindi. Tama lang ba na nageexpect ka na paglaanan ka ng panahon ng isang tao kahit busy sya? Siguro hindi kung wala naman siyang obligation sayo. Pero kapag ba committed kayo? Justifiable na ba yung pagdedemand mo ng panahon? Again, hindi ko pa rin alam. There are a lot of times na hinahayaan ko lang naman. Kasi naiisip ko dapat understanding ako. Dapat supportive ako. Dapat hindi ko na dagdagan yung stress mo. But I’m only human na sobrang obvious pa kung ano ang nararamdaman kaya pasensya ka na kung nakadagdag pa sa pressure mo yung problema ko. 

β€’ Sabi saken nung kaibigan ko natutuwa daw sya sa personality ko kasi ang matured ko daw, parang hindi ako nagagalit atsaka parang lagi daw akong mind over matter. Ngayon ko kailangan yang mind over matter na yan e! Haha. Gusto kong maunawaan ko at maintindihan na dumadating talaga ang pagkakataon na halos di kayo nagkakausap kasi busy, na all you can do is say good night at the end of the day and na ikaw lahat ang gagawa niyan ng una. Gusto ko magets na dapat okay ka lang na hindi narereciprocate yung mga ginagawa mo at na dapat okay lang sayo na balewalain ang pride mo. 

I have all these complaints and heartaches but when I heard you say sorry last night and know that what you’re saying is coming from the heart, wala na. Nawawala na lahat ng tampo ko. I came to realize na hindi ako dapat ganito. I should be the comfort that you’ll need every once in a while kapag pagod na pagod ka na and not another nuisance. I truly love you. Kaya siguro you can make me happy and make me sad too. I can’t promise na hindi na ako makakaramdam ng tampo, pero I’m here to try to make this all okay. I’m not here just for the happiness and fun but also for the silence, the storms and the sadness. 

Hayyyyyyy. Now that feels a lot better. Okay KC, tama na ha. No more negativity. Just stay happy. β˜€πŸ˜Š

I’m just so happy to end the week! It feels so good to have accomplished your to-do lists. I read the bible without missing any day, did my daily tasks at the office and been able to squeeze in some bonding time with my friends. 

I would also just like to share how I ended up doing payroll again today. So my officemate have a date today with his longtime boyfriend who will be leaving again any time soon! (You see he’s a soldier and been assigned for 3 mos. in Marawi) But she’s hesitant to leave because of her payroll and travel time to his boyfriend’s place is 4 hours. I can see her wanting to leave so bad and her disappointment and sadness is just so evident I don’t have the heart to not help her. So I volunteered to do her work. Hahahahaha. Di nyo kasi alam kung ano ‘yung pakiramdam e! Lol. 

Anyway, I’m happy I helped her. So Jane, enjoy your date! πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›

“I always thought there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back. Eventual happiness. But as I sit here with stones in my chest where hope used to lie, I have come to realize that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you.” 

Get well soon Grizzly Bear!

This lovely little furball is sick. πŸ˜–πŸ˜–πŸ˜– She’s diagnosed with parvo virus which is common in dogs and causes death. She’s so thin right nowwwww and still can’t eat or drink and is only getting by with the help of dextrose and vitamins. Kawawa naman siya. Please get well as soon as possible!