If You Leave Me Now

I remember you again today. I remember how you play with me and my siblings when we we’re little. How you would let us ride on your back and how we would try to stay on it while you crawl like a crazy horse out of control. I remember how you used to play loud music even in the morning. You’re a morning person with too much energy going on. I remember how you love singing. How you knew almost every song playing on the radio especially every Sunday when the radio program is backtraxx.

I remember how you would watch us dancing while you play your CD entitled The Good, the Bad and the Ugly by Hugo Montenegro. How you taught us the square dance and how we would do it until our lungs almost gave up. How we will all feel tired but will start dancing again once another song from the album play.

I remember how you obliged us to buy goods from the market and then help you cook for lunch and dinner. How you will equally part our food because our family is quite large. I remember  how riding on our old trike was a treat. How singing with my sisters as you drive away was as wonderful as having a luxury car to ride on.

I remember how proud you get every end of a school year. And how afraid I am to disappoint you and Mommy. I remember feeling shattered when I did, how I cannot look you in the eyes. How you never mentioned anything about it at all. I remember feeling grateful that you didn’t.

I remember how when we got a little older you tell stories about your childhood and your teenager life. How you told us that Mom was still playing chinese garter when you first met her. And how you’re a working student since highschool.

I remember that one time when you hit me with a slipper. How I cried and how you hurt your hand while hitting me. It was my fault, I know. And the memories of how you couldn’t hit us when we’re looking at you came back to my mind.

I remembered saying goodbye to you every time I leave for school. How you will ask me if I have a boyfriend that you know nothing about and how I will give you a kiss on the cheek as I jokingly say “meron na talaga!” I remember how all of us were awake at night during a storm and how you’re voice talking to Mom made us feel safer during the night.

I miss your voice Daddy.

I miss you.

I miss you badly.

You have no idea how I wanted you to be here right now.


This same time last year, things we’re very different.


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