Where Rainbows End

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“To the most inconsiderate friend,

I’m writing you this letter because I know that if I say what I have to say to your face I will probably punch you. I don’t know you anymore. I don’t see you anymore.All I get is a quick text or a rushed e-mail from you every few days. I know you are busy and I know you have Bethany, but hello? I’m supposed to be your best friend.

You have no idea what this summer has been like. Ever since we were kids we pushed away every single person that could possibly have been our friend. We blocked people until there was only me and you. You probably haven’t noticed, because you have never been in the position I am in now. You have always had someone. You always had me. I always had you. Now you have Bethany and I have no one.

Now I feel like those other people that used to try to become our friend, that tried to push their way into our circle but were met by turned backs. I know you’re probably not doing it deliberately just as we never did it deliberately. It’s not that we didn’t want anyone else, it’s just that we didn’t need
them. Sadly now it looks like you don’t need me anymore. Anyway I’m not moaning on about how much I hate her, I’m just trying to tell you that I miss you. And that well . . . I’m lonely. Whenever you cancel nights out I end up staying home with Mum and Dad watching TV. It’s so depressing. This was supposed to be our summer of fun. What happened? Can’t you be friends with two people at once?
I know you have found someone who is extra special, and I know you both have a special “bond,” or whatever, that you and I will never have. But we have another bond, we’re best friends. Or does the best friend bond disappear as soon as you meet somebody else? Maybe it does, maybe I just don’t understand that because I haven’t met that “somebody special.” I’m not in any hurry to, either. I liked things the way they were.
So maybe Bethany is now your best friend and I have been relegated to just being your “friend.” At least be that to me, Alex. In a few years time if my name ever comes up you will probably say, “Rosie, now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years. We used to be best friends. I wonder what she’s doing now; I haven’t seen or thought of her in years!” You will sound like my mum and dad when they have dinner parties with friends and talk about old times.They always mention people I’ve never even heard of when they’re talking about some of the most important days of their lives. Yet where are those people now? How could someone who was your bridesmaid 20 years ago not
even be someone who you are on talking terms with now? Or in Dad’s case, how could he not know where his own best friend from college lives? He studied with the man for five years!

Anyway, my point is (I know, I know, there is one), I don’t want to be one of those easily forgotten people, so important at the time, so special, so influential, and so treasured, yet years later just a vague face and a distant memory. I want us to be best friends forever, Alex. I’m happy you’re happy, really I am, but I feel like I’ve been left behind.

Maybe our time has come and gone. Maybe your time is now meant to be spent with Bethany. And if that’s the case I won’t bother sending you this letter. And if I’m not sending this letter then what am I doing still writing it?

OK I’m going now and I’m ripping these muddled thoughts up.

Your friend,
Rosie”

Maybe I liked this because I can somehow relate to Rosie.

“Can’t you be friends with two people at once?”

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Zoology 3

Do you remember when we were classmates in Zoology 3 Laboratory?

Well. you probably don’t but I do.

How could I forget that time when we were looking at Planarias under a microscope? I could still picture you with your glasses and untidy hair, your socks pulled too high and your knapsack with the logo that says “THE NORTH FACE”.

You and I are both Ks and somehow that nonsense fact can make me smile even in my head. 

So do you remember when I was looking at my microscope and I lift my head up because I suddenly felt the weight of your stare? 

Again, you probably don’t but I do. 

‘Cause that’s when you told me I’m pretty. That’s when you asked me “Do you even know you’re pretty?” That’s when I couldn’t answer you back. That’s when I just put my pen down and laughed. 

So do you remember when that happened? 

Or maybe you have long since forgotten.

~ to the only boy who asked me if I knew I am pretty and to the only one who made me want to believe it for the first time

First of 2015

Hello there.

It’s 2015 already and I have been left behind with all the memories of last year. I don’t know how to start.

2014 is the most painful year for me. I lost my father and up to now, it still feels so unreal. Then when I open my eyes, reality comes out of nowhere punching me hard in the face. I still cannot believe it.

Yeah, I have hopes in the future. I believe that someday I will see my father again when Jehovah resurrects the dead. But still, this pain inside me is beyond what I can imagine.

I don’t know what to say. I’m tired and I’m also tired of being tired.