Dear you,

I am so, so sorry I cannot love you the way you needed me to and I cannot explain how happy I am that you found someone that will love you the way you wanted. More than anyone else, I want you to be at your happiest. Always. I want to say that I will always be there when you need that old friend but I am not going to. You have already decided, and it’s okay with me, too. This isn’t pride I guess. It’s self-respect. Finally.


Dear you,

I don’t know what to do with you. Honestly. I am forever thankful for the friend that you are to me. I really like it when you make me feel special more than anyone else. I like that you never give up. I like that you doesn’t hover and ask for anything in return. I like that you understand that I am not a person who give others my time that easily. Your words of comfort and care are like melody to my ears though I only get to read them through your messages. There are times when I just really wanted to return all the affection. But all the time, I find that I am unsure. I always find myself scared to take the first step. I am afraid that once I take the step, I will end up running with no way to stop. I’m afraid that I will soon find myself caught in the middle of something that I never really wanted. Like it was all just a big mistake and I cannot take it back, I cannot undo it.  That uncertainty is stopping me. And I know that there shouldn’t be uncertainty in the way I feel. There’s always a question inside my head saying “What if it’s not you?” And I, myself, couldn’t figure out the answer.


Dear you,

In a few days, I will be seeing you again. The thought of it terrifies me. A lot. I don’t know what to feel. I’m not excited. That should how I feel right? But I have no words to describe how I’m feeling. So please, if you happen to see me, ignore me again. Please. Treat me like the way you have always did. Like air. Like something you cannot see. So that I won’t be disappointed again, for I always expect you to treat me like that. So that I won’t get my hopes up. So that I will not think that we’re ready to be friends. Because I don’t to watch my hopes fall on the ground. I know I said before that I want us to smile at each other when we bumped into one another the next time, but now I am not sure.


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