What Will I Do With My Life?

What Will I Do With My Life?

Sooooo, as I promised here’s my answer to that very hard question.

What will I do with my life? When I was younger, that question was not really hard to answer. Probably, I will be getting a college degree then graduate, look for work, help my family, have my own house and car then later have a family of my own. But as time pass, unexpected things happen. You’ll stumble maybe a couple of times or three. You’ll learn. You’ll meet people that inspire you. You’ll realize that there’s more than what you expected.

I won’t elaborate on what just happened to my life recently, but I assure you the ride was bumpy and full of topsy turvies. I tried my very best to find real happiness and I’m fortunate enough to find answers. Thank Jehovah God for the perfect timings of His help and advice.

So my answer is…I’m going to educate myself. I’ll educate myself with the highest education any people can get and that’s the knowledge about God. No masteral or Ph.D. course can ever be higher than that. After educating myself I’ll work too. I’ll be a teacher. A teacher for all people who are interested in learning about the word of Jehovah. Helping them learn without asking anything in return is I guess the most noble work a person can actually put himself into. Doing that just makes me proud of myself. No money, trophies, awards and luxury in this world can make a person prouder of himself than ever.

I may not have a college degree after all. I may not have graduated but choosing this path of life is what I think is best for me. ♥

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Yesterday was a really happy day for me. Guess what? I was able to chat with my crush. *blush* Ahhhh, I really wanted to post this on my other blog but a lot of my acquaintances follow me there and I’m quite shy and not ready to let them read the way I’m feeling.

Never felt like this in years, 3 years to be exact. That’s why I’m like a teenager having a crush for the first time. Can you understand how I feel? It’s like every time I see a picture of him in facebook or every time he appears on my news feed I get butterflies in my stomach. My heart beats fast and somehow I find it hard to breathe.

“What a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine.” -Aqualung

But seriously, that’s not what I’m supposed to write about. ‘Cause you see this guy that I have a crush on was originally the one who had a crush in me. I saw a video of him with his friends telling them that I’m her girlfriend. Of course, that’s not true but still it made me assume that he liked me. Moreover, my brother-in-law whose a close friend of him told me that I really am his crush. Kaya ayun, nag-assume tuloy ako. At kahit na hindi ko naman talaga siya crush nedevelop ‘yung feelings ko sa kanya. Totoo pala na kapag nalaman mong gusto ka ng isang tao, merong part sa’yo na nagiging interesado din sa kanya madevelop man on hindi yung part na yun into love. 

Now, I’ve tried to get to know him better. I’ve tried texting him but he seldom replies because he’s really not into texting. Well that’s according to him. I’ve also tried chatting with him and it’s nice that he notices me everytime. But my problem is that I am really not sure about the way he feels for me. We were given a chance to bond for like two days because I took a vacation at my sister’s house and I don’t know but he gave me the feeling that he likes me too. He teases me around, make me laugh so much, I can feel that he stares at me too. He tries to catch my attention and he was a perfect gentleman for that two days. He even took me home in his motorcycle even if it means he will get back home at past 12midnight. Oh di ba ang sweet? Sino namang hindi mag-aassume nyan? 

But I don’t know, I also get that feeling that he’s not interested in me anymore. No replies most of the time, he oppose every thing that I say, and most of the times he’s a snob. Again, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s not what I expect form him- from someone who has a crush. I always believed that he should have done some efforts to get to know me better right?

That’s why I’m  left here hanging. Hanging onto something that I don’t even know if it’s real. Should I give up? or should I keep on chasing pavements just to hold on to this feeling?

This makes my heart break and my head ache. </3

TWENTEEN

TWENTEEN

It’s exactly 4:44 in the morning and just as I woke up I realized that I am a year older. I just turned 20 today and the feeling makes me have goosebumps. Well, hello adulthood! I’ve been existing for twenty years now and I can’t stop wondering if my life has been put to good use or I have been wasting my time. I’m pretty sure I have done good deeds everytime a chance was given to me but still I keep on asking myself, have I done enough? As I was doing this I also think of my dreams and my goals that I want to pursue. I’m thinking of my other future jobs, can I actually find one that I will really enjoy and never get tired of doing? What kind of person will I become? Will I be having my own family? As I tap away, more questions pop out inside my head. Ughhh,maybe I’m just being pressured by my age today. Cause you see for me being twenty years old means taking things more seriously. Though I also think that 20 is still a young age to do things like getting married or having kids. Well, I guess age is really just a number. Maybe for now I just won’t allow myself to be bothered too much. I’ll just enjoy my life while serving Jehovah and whatever He thinks will be good for me, I will accept it. Who knows maybe in months or years I will be a regular pioneer (ultimate dream) or I will finally get the chance to be in a job that I really love, or maybe even one day I will have someone to hold hands with while walking the streets. Again, who knows right? I’ll keep my hopes up and pray for the best. ~Ta ta for now. Im’ma go back to sleep some more. Writing this makes me feel a little dizzy. Haha. Have a great Sunday!

*Made this last Sunday. Today’s the only time I have to publish it here. ;))